Officially back on the bike

I've been certified (got the doctor's okay at the 6 week checkup) and a day later I'm on the bike for my first non-under the radar ride.

I pumped (Medella hospital-grade pumps rock and so do double boob pumps!), left the bottle (and baby) with the husband and hopped on the bike.

I fit into my bike clothes, sort of. A few more pounds and my black Lycra shorts would have probably split down the middle. I'm sure my butt was hanging over both sides of the saddle, like an old man's flabby tummy over the lip of his pants.

My boobs haven't ever been so huge. They are giant moo cow teats and belong on my stomach like a real cow. Nevertheless, I put on a bra, nursing pads and my "fat" jersey.

I felt like Dolly Parton pre-surgery but I pressed on, clipped in and rode out of our cul-de-sac onto the street.

It was a warm day and I brought only one water bottle. I wouldn't be that thirsty because I wasn't going that far. Brilliant thinking, oh nursing one, oh out of shape one! I was out of water in approximately 10 minutes.

Rode to a local park and back, about 5 miles (that's pushing it) round-trip.

First, I stopped by a friend's house - they live near the park. They weren't home, so I pressed on, hitting the long hill in and out of the park.

Let's just say that I suck and all of the ice cream I ingested while pregnant and postpartum (people came over bearing ice cream more than once) is probably the main source of my weight.

What's more, triple chainring girl actually STOPPED two times on hilly terrain, mostly for fear she was overheating and would die. During one of the stops where I pulled the "get off the bike and pretend to inspect something" manuever which would somehow keep me from looking like an out of shape nincompoop, a concerned biker asked if I was okay to which I answered, "Thanks! I just had a baby!"

Concerned biker guy gave a knowing yet I haven't a clue nod and said "Good luck!" while peddaling onward.