New ink! New ink! Oink!

I just got the baddest tat ever. It's a self-designed velo dragon, er, dragon riding a bike. The dragon is several shades of green and is riding a red Pee Wee Herman bike (1940's Schwinn with the fenders and conical headlamp).

It's medium sized - I don't like big tats on my bod because I like a little variety.
It's on my ass. It hurt (duh).
I designed it in Illustrator.
It's badass.

Stupidly cute toys

I love them. These new smorkin' labbits are way cute. So are these capsule toys. I love these punk is not dead figures, too.

These stupid toys are way too expensive. I don't buy them. I just look at them online. After all, where would I even put them?

Nice list of links for toy culture sites.

Winter rider development

Copied idea from this site, which I found while Googling "too cold to ride".

Gentle readers,

Since I asked many questions of our elite riders, I figured it was
only right that I ask the same of myself.

Lizzardo

----------------

What do you think of weight training?
Never tried it. Hank and Frank come to mind. Sweat and gay guys, too. Nope, never been in the weight room. Thanks anyway.

If you use weights, what is your program?
I've managed the 5-pounders. I was getting fit in early 2001 and woke up early every morning to do yoga and then a 1/2 hour of The Body Electric. (If you haven't worked out with this show, you're just not serious about fitness.) Yeah, that was my program. Now, I do not use weights.

Do you cross-train in the winter?
Yes. I eat cheese on Triscuits while watching TV. It's hard but I manage. Cut myself a few times while I was engrossed in Oprah, but otherwise, no major injuries.

Why?
For two reasons. One is that eating Triscuits with cheese is sorta hard on the bike. I mean, you have to, like, tear the cheese into right-sized pieces while it's still in the Ziploc while you're holding the Triscuit. With my love of that snack, I'd be riding "look ma no hands" for miles at a time.

The second reason is that eating while watching TV is an American pasttime. It's hard for me to watch TV without the assistance of food. So, yes, cross-training is very important to me in the wintertime.

Which sports do you think are best for translating into gains on the bike?
I like curling and dancing the samba, but right now, I'm getting assistance from video games. People always say that gamers are slobs or losers or something. Totally not true, man. Totally not true.

• Playstation Lance Armstrong LiveStronger Adventure: In this game, I get to pretend I am Lance. You can be pre-cancer Lance -- that is cool because you get to insult everyone in the peloton! -- or post-cancer Lance -- that's cool because you're cockier than before and you have that post-cancer svelteness too! The game hooks up to my trainer and I get to work on everything - cadence, pedal technique, etc. What's super fly is that you can choose all sorts of shit - your bike, what you look like, what race (or training ride) you're doing, even what music. It's fly.

• Dance Dance Revolution for Xbox: This game is da bomb. Sometimes I go to the arcade just to interact. I've gotten tons of dates this way.
  

Winter Riding
Could you describe your winter rides...
Hm, I really don't ride outside below 15 F. It's just too f'ing cold.

What is your focus on the bike? (miles, time, spinning, power, etc.)
It's usually power but most of all, I do everything I can to fight that bored, cooped up feeling.

How often do you participate in group rides?
I usually go with my friend "Zippy" MacFarland on Thursday mornings. I ride to work with Zippy, a bike commuter, and then continue on before picking up a latte to warm up before returning home for some indoor video game workouts. I also go out with a local cycling club that's down the road from me. They try to push the envelope and naturally I don't like that. I also occasionally attend a moo ride with friends. It's basically a MTB ride that involves cows. I can't disclose more than that.

What are the best and worst things about group riding?
Best: The joking around and ganging up on cars.
Worst: The cars ganging up on us.

Do you use a fixed-gear?
Yeah.

What gear?
I haven't finished counting the teeth. I always almost finish but then I can't remember where I started counting. It's really hard. I once spent a whole day counting... Anyway...

How Often?
How often do I count? Well, I don't want to disclose...

What do you see as the benefits?
Of single-ing? Well it looks way retro so that's cool for picking up hipsters. It's also awesome for descents. I feel like I'm a Muppet or something when my legs get to spinnin that fast.

What is your limit for riding? (when is it too cold, how long do you go
when you are on the bubble of not going out at all?)
Generally I make it around the block and I'm done. It's a quality ride, though. I'm really pushing myself the whole time - very focused.

Any tips for staying warm in the cold?
Some tequila works for me. It's not a good day to work on bike handling. Also, I have some chaps (like horseback riders) and I like to put those on in the cold. I like to use a dab of Vasoline under my nostrils to keep the inside of my nose cold - important! I also make sure to wrap myself like a mummy in Dkepzrew, a new fabric that I'm testing out for a major manufacturer. The fabric totally keeps out the cold, but since I'm wrapping it around myself, there's no risk that it doesn't fit.

Any rides you only do in the cold?
I will go on the lake with the bike. That's generally hard in the summer. That's the only change, though.

Any rides you never do in the cold?
All's fair in love and cold.

When you have to ride indoors, what do you do?
A couple of laps 'round the house and so much shit is broken, I usually stop then.

Do you have a resistance trainer?
What's that?

How long are your workouts?
Long enough to work up a sweat. Two minutes, usually.

Can you share some of your workout plans?
No, classified. Sorry.

How far into the preparation period do you continue gym workouts?
I said I don't go to a gym. Weren't you listening?

When it's cold out, how is your heart rate affected?
Shoot, I don't know.

Hamster dance

We were talking about it today so I looked it up. It's now some commercial venture, complete with a cheesy techno version. Ick.

Luckily, I found the original version, complete with the "ha ha ha" and the record skip sound at the end.

Bleep/bloop

I'm sure there's a techno song out there that uses the bleep/bloop sounds from AOL Instant Messenger (AIM). There simply must be.

Ridin' and Eatin' report

Ridin': It's bitterly cold just getting worse! No riding till spring, I'm guessing. Yoga is now what I'm working on. Hopefully I'll take some spinning classes this winter. Never tried that before.

Eatin': It's getting harder and harder. More crappy food at work every day and less and less time to exercise. No excuses though! No excuses.

Santa, the list's on my blog. Thanks.

NYT is reporting that more kids are putting their wish lists online these days.

Victoria Holt, 9, of North Salem, N.Y., adds to her Amazon wish list daily, sometimes hourly. "This is the first year it was over the top," said her mother, Jill Holt. "In the past she would pick 10 little things. And this year Victoria has 115 items on her list." The top item is a violet split-neck T-shirt selling for $6.99 at the Children's Place, followed by a biography of Hilary Duff and an Avril Lavigne CD.

What's amazing is that I have an Amazon wish list and I don't tell anyone about it. What am I going to do? Put it in my sig file? Don't think so. I've seen plenty of tacky people even link to their wish list through their blogs.

Last year, the in-laws did ask for a wish list and we pointed them to Amazon and we got what we wanted! This year, they didn't ask about the wish list, so I figure they like are going back to the traditional way of shopping this year: fighting traffic, going to malls, gettin' a little creative. More power to 'em!

Ridin' and Eatin' report

Ridin': I didn't. I need some warmer clothes, honestly. At least it's sunny out today. That's a change for the better.

Eatin': Wow, I'm just a total loser at eating. I am really un-proud of myself. All the yoga in the world can't fix this sinning. I am going to yoga tonight, btw. Regarding the eating, there are trays of crap EVERYWHERE at work. Not just the usual crap, either, but yummy crap like those small, round cookies with a dollop of icing and chocolate covered shit. I need to BRING my food with me to work from now on and I won't walk around starving.

Webmonkey and picnic plates

When I first started learning web design stuff, I was a Notepad Warrior. I refused to use such idiot WYSWYG tools as Netscape's HTML editor (crap!) or FrontPage (crap!).

I would set off in my Notepad (sorry, still a MS user so not geeky enough for many people) and hit save then flip over and view the file in Netscape. (I remember when Navigator Gold came out. It was so cool.)

Much of my knowledge came from:

• Trial and error
• Conversations with fellow Notepad Warriors
• Webmonkey

Oh, how I loved the monkeys. They were talented, explained things in plain English and just sooo cool.

When I hopped on the frames bandwagon (pre-SSI, pre CMS) I encountered my favorite Webmonkey tutorial: frames are like picnics. That was oh so clever!

I became even more devoted when I won a WebMonSki hat through a Webmonkey online contest. The ski hat is a really ugly grey color, but it has a Webmonkey embelem stitched to the front. I haven't worn it, but I love it and I'm not going to eBay it (the horror!).

When we got interns who were new to HTML coding, as most of them were in the 1990's, the first thing we did was set them up with a few Monkey tutorials. Ah, the perfect babysitter. They'd teach them to code correctly and the interns would be entertained as well.

I must admit I'm still sad that the Monkey has basically shut down. I know it's old news, but I still mourn. I got all excited when they started the MonkeyBites blog a few years ago, but that's over now too.

I still send interns to the Monkey, but there's no doubt that times have changed.

Terrrible PSA

There's a poorly produced and somewhat confusing PSA that's airing on TV in my area. It has a cheesy-sad song about "it's just a disposable child" and some baby dolls on the ground near bits of burning garbage. After the song runs for a bit, a male voiceover says "These are real children." They are obviously baby dolls, not real children. What committee put that one together?

Ridin' and Eatin' report

Ridin': Weather is f'ing cold. No riding today. Yoga class instead. I was totally dehydrated, which didn't help. I also basically rolled out of bed and into some clothes and then rolled into class not a second too soon. It helps when one is awake before attending a class.

Eatin': Went to a yummy and pretty healthful brunch. Got a big tub o chocolate chip cookies at the fancy health food store the other day. I ate several handfuls of cookies upon returning from brunch. They're crappy cookies but I can't stop eating them. Yay me!

In your heeeaaaad. In your heeeeeeeeaaaaaad. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it it it: (I always thought that Cranberries song was about getting a song stuck in your head. Later, I learned they say 'Zombie', not 'Stop It'.) The song most likely to be stuck in my head during a bike ride is Satan is my Motor. Second to that, it's probably another Cake tune: Never There.

Blog URL?

Un plan moisi: Slang for 'a crappy plan' in French. This self-absorbed blog has no real purpose, so therefore it's a crappy plan.

Tournez à gauche: Literally means turn left. I'm left handed. Is this why I chose the title. No. No reason, really.

Ridin' and eatin' report

Ridin': There was none of that today. The weather was just horrible. On the other hand, I did partake in a yoga class, though this class was mighty easy compared to Friday night's. Today, we didn't do any headstands, whereas last night's class was mighty tough and HOT. I was dripping all over the damn place before class even began. This is supposed to be Ashtanga, folks, not bikram!

Eatin': Not so great. E. had purchased Hot Pockets. I was curious and had one. Not so good, especially since it was small and had a shitload of fat/calories for being so damn small. I also ate some cereal in the morning.

Other thoughts:

• This looks like a fun gift!
• Can't wait for E. to get home so we can go see Huckabees. K. might meet us at the theater. We haven't seen a movie in the theater for awhile, so this should be fun.
• Just finished reading this bike touring blog. I love the part where he describes how he's huffing and puffing up the hill and the Fassa Bortorlo guys zip past. I'd be WALKING up that hill with the bike, I'm pretty sure.
• 
  

Jump into the time machine!!!!

So the guys picked me up in their time machine (the temp tags claim an expiry date of 3004, so it must be an authentic) and we picked up J. and we went to the drag show.

At nearly 30, it was my first time. A straight drag show virgin.

I felt at home, actually, especially since I have a sort of musical family. We actually spend time together by sitting around the piano (cousin plays quite well) and singing songs - those traditional , those in the books and those we make up. (Is that odd? I don't know.)

The show was fairly good and the music was pretty clean entertainment - well, minus the introductions and comedy in between acts. The best piece was a country song about a woman talking about how she's a redneck. The queen wore a bathrobe and a silly tee-shirt underneath and (of course) curlers in the hair. It was a riot!

Ridin' and eatin' report

Ridin': Didn't. I plan to do yoga today, however. Probably that class where I'm the only non-professional and they're balancing on their arms while shooting their legs out to the side and I'm dying. Yep, I'll probably take that class tonight.

Eatin': Cereal and a PB&J for breakfast. Granola bar and orange peppers for lunch. I will stay away from the sugary shit today.

Ridin' and eatin' report

Ridin': No ride today. Rainy/icky doesn't usually stop me, but I thought I had to use the car for work. I will go to YOGA tonight!

Eatin': Bad eatin. Ate a cookie and some Chanukkah gelt today. Lots of water though.

Send error report

Yeah right! Does anyone actually click the send error report button when a MicroSopht product crashes? Didn't think so.

Ridin' and eatin' report

Ridin': I still need to work on pushing myself harder to improve my time. Hit lots of reds today, ran a few yellows. I also saw a new bike commuter - guy on a beater blue bike with a backpack. Yay.

Eatin': Had Hannukkah dinner last night at a friend's house. It was not low-cal. Had a few glasses of wine. Not low-cal, either. Then, as the remaining girls were settling into the couch, watching (gasp!) Real World and Laguna Beach on EmpTV, I ate lots of gelt. Now, I have guilt.

Ridin' and eatin' report

Ridin': No riding today. High winds making Matchboxes out of cars. I'll stick to my huge hunk o metal today, thanks. No yoga today, either. No excuse for yoga. I could have gotten up at 6 a.m. and worked out with Steve.

Eatin': Granola bar for breakfast. Handful of office chocolate for "lunch". Two bottles of H2o.

Ridin' n Eatin' report (for Monday)

Ridin': Oddest commuting ride so far - full of strange challenges!

Mileage: 4.5 miles total. Pathetic.

Challenge #1: I went through the park on the way to work like I usually do. As I turned down the long road to exit the park, there was a big, golden furry mass in the middle of the road. I thought it was the park's 'resident' homeless guy taking a nap but as I got a little closer, I realized it was a dog.

Then I realized two wolf-like dogs were circling the fluffy big dog, protecting it. I decided not to get close. I called the SPCA when I got to work. My only other route out of the park was a long, steep hill.

Challenge #2: While on a major hill, I heard a ping... ping, ping,ping. A few seconds later, the ole brain kicked in: Where's my Halt!? I was obviously having a case of slow morning brain. Connect the dots would have been a challenge at that hour.

I turned around and noticed my Halt! (pepper spray) had come to a rest in the middle of the road way below me. In other words, I was on another steep hill. I turned around, rode back down the hill to get the cannister before it was squished by a car.

Going home: I am glad I worked extra hard on the way to work because I didn't get to ride home. I just couldn't seem to wrap up stuff at work and by the time I was finished, it was way late, way stormy and way dark and I don't have a light.

Eatin': I had a danish at work. Not good. I also had a freeze dried (healthy) soup and some rice and beans for dinner.

---

P.S. This report is from yesterday because I didn't get to ride today. There were high wind warnings and it was supposed to pour all day and I have to go to a dinner far away tonight, so no time to shower, etc.

P.P.S. I know I never pulled through on the whole blog en Francais idea, and I'm sorry about that. Well I'm not sorry to you, dear reader (1), I'm sorry to myself about that because I'd really like to start re-learning French. I do, however, think I can pull through on the ridin' and eatin' report thing.

Tabs in Mozilla RULE

I remember when someone I used to work with tried to show me the excitement that is tabs in Mozilla. This was several years ago.

I was like, BAH, I can just open several browser windows, you tech-head.

Well I'm here to admit, about two years later, that tabs are THE BEST THING EVER.

I hate a cluttered taskbar and I do lots of copying and pasting. Let me tell you folks, tabs are da shit.

Ridin' n Eatin' report

Ridin': Nope. Dangerous winds. Cars being blown about. No yoga, either. I'm BUMMED.

Eatin': Several pieces of office chocolate. Bad! 1 granola bar for breakfast/lunch. Dinner will be at a friend's house.

Ridin' and Eatin report

Ridin': No riding today because it's really shitty outside. Dangerous winds! No yoga today, either. I'm excersisally frustrated!

Eatin': Nature Valley granola bar for breakfast. A few pieces of office chocolate (from someone's desk) for lunch. Dinner at a friend's house.

Translation fun

Located at 160km in the North-West of Los Angeles, the medium of the hills and of the ranches, "Neverland" resembles a park with topics with its manor, its zoo, its bumper cars, its horse-gear and its large wheel. Michael Jackson gave there many festivals for the children. AP

That is a quote from the a French Yahoo! news story translated into English.

What we in America know as Ferris Wheel is known to Frenchies as a "grand roue" but when it's translated it sounds like Michael Jackson purchased a large dump truck tire, laid it on the ground and started charging admission.

Old school site

I love finding old fashioned web sites. They use phrases like "WWW" and "on-line" usually have links pages. The animated GIFs are usually terrible as well. Here's a good example of an old-school site that's still out there and came up fairly high on Google while I was searching for 2005 US cycling team rosters.

Indie movie script

Here's a love story that could be straight out of an indie movie script, though this woman claims it's actually her life.

Making the husband proud

So I've been following cycling for the few months or so and E is quite proud of my progress.

I still need to learn more about the greats like Eddy Merckx, but I'm absorbing facts and figures day by day and now I can even identify most teams in the peloton. Fassa Bortorlo has the white with blue puffy letters, Alessio-Bianchi is mmmminty green (yeah, I know, celeste) and so on... I even know of several domestic teams. Go me!

Like most folks my age, I use the computer to keep up with cycling stuff, and I must say that the quirky world of cycling is no less quirky online.

Cycling sites for the most part are very informative and quickly updated, but they're all lemmings when it comes to design. The only problem with that is that they have all adopted 1999-era designs, complete with old fashioned "button" ads along the right rail of the page.

Apparently, the people who run the major cycling sites have never checked out a major news site like BBC or CNN and seen the major advances in web design. No matter, despite a paragraph and a half, the design is secondary to functionality to me, and better yet, the "button" ads on cycling sites tend to be incredibly compelling!

Part of the old school design might be due to cycling's Eurocentricity. Many sites have international readership and many parts of Europe are just figuring out the Web.

(See, I told you this blog is all about me thinking out loud. Not pretty writing, friends.)

PezCyclingNews: Smashed twigs and berries

I think it all comes down to this photo. I'm sure the podium erection rate is pretty high, but as Pez points out, the red cycling shorts really draw attention to the groin area. Poor Polskas, though their areas look to be rather generous...

I'm sure I'm not the only female in the world who is amazed that guys can ride down the road smashing their Most Important Area onto a tiny little triangle. I know I wouldn't participate in a sport where I smash something into my boobs for hours on end.

About me and thank you

Why did I set up this blog?
This is my 'me' time. As an only child, I got used to plenty of 'me' time, but as an adult, I've learned I have to create time for myself. This is not my main site and I'm not going to link the two. What's crazier, is I don't care if anyone reads my site. I almost don't want anyone to, but I'm not nutty enough to post all of my thoughts, as that'd be fucking stupid, and often times not so nice.

Who I am?
I'm a professional female who doesn't want to reveal too much about herself on this blog, although I'm sure I'll end up doing so anyway! (Most of my friends could figure out who this is by this post alone!)

Why don't I want to reveal too much about myself?
Perhaps it's because this blog is full of unfocused writing - no thinking before my fingers hit the keys - and as someone who makes a living writing, I consider this writing too shitty to put my name on.

Do I have pets?
They swim and I don't have to take them on walks. Any guesses?

Do I have any hobbies?
Glad you (er, I) asked. Cycling (road bikes) is my latest love. No, it's not because of Lance, but do I think he's way cool? Yes. His work ethic inspires me. I started riding because of my Bianchi-ridin' husband.

I really get a kick out of improving on the bike and I plan to start competing on the bike when it gets warm outside again. I'm at the age where winning isn't everything, or even important. I want to train hard and do my absolute best and see where that takes me in the placing.

Enough about the damn bike. Any other hobbies?

I used to own and compete horses while I was growing up, so I guess riding's in my blood, whether it's a horse or a bike. It's been awhile since I've ridden a horse, but I still miss it -- especially on pretty days -- and I plan to start riding horses again in the spring.

I also take yoga classes several times a week. The studio is near my house, so it's not a pain in the butt to get there. Even when I'm feeling like I did poorly in yoga class, I'm still glad I went. It's the perfect counterbalance to my endlessly frantic days in the office.

Shout out.
Hard Colden Mini Yan was my first commenter. A bloke from Glasgow. How cool - I didn't even link up this blog to any of my other (well-travelled) sites, and he found it somehow. Cheers, Yan.

Keep your crafts to yourself?

I am a big fan of Craftster. It's da home of kick-ass diy crafts projects for people who think the traditional cross stitched 'Home Sweet Home' is way fucked up -- or retro kitsch -- and prefer to display a cross stitched pink and black skull and crossbones on their IKEAed apartment's wall instead.

(To demonstrate Craftster's excellence, they were mostly to blame for the way coolio but now passe marble magnets. Oh what fun I had with glue, round magnets, a round hole punch and the Archie McPhee catalog.)

Anyhoo.... the point of this post is that as with any hipster activity, you're not hip if you're a follower. You want to be the first to debut that duct tape wallet (that's so 2000!), or whatever the craft of the day is. If you're the 33,333rd person to make the craft and the people at Michael's already know what aisle all the stuff for your Craftster project is because a zillion people (well 33,332) before you asked for the same materials, it just doesn't have that zing anymore.

So what the Hell's my point? Glad you asked. I totally think there's going to be a shift in the net from "Hey look at me. Here are a bunch of ideas for free! Take them, please!" to "Yeah, I have ideas but you'll have to pay for them." because people don't want followers. They just don't. So there.

p.s. If you want a good crafty/hipster mag, try ReadyMade. It's da shitty bomb.

hot and not

hot

ordering presents online (always hot!)

livewrong bracelets (so wrong!)

end of year slacking/time off of work (always hot!)

mp3 blogs

getting cd's from the library to copy onto iPod (do people really do that?)

the daily show (still hot!)

soups (it's wintertime, yo!)

10-speed freewheels

desperate housewives

the oprah winfrey show (resurgance, yo!)

cyclocross

sirius

not

trendy eyeglasses

george bush (we knew that!)

magnetic car ribbons (when patriotism turns to fashion, it ain't cool. in fact, it's just as cool as american flag mugs, american flag sweaters, and american flag crap you can buy at target that's made in china.)
all-holiday music stations

premature christmas-ness of any sort

weather below 40 degrees F

woot, lately (they sometimes have cool things)

livestrong bracelets (now suburban SUV types have them, it's no longer cool)

webmonkey (i'm still mourning)

pottery barn and IKEA

lame ass blogs about people's boring ass personal lives (hm, like this one actually!)

Hummers (the cars, not the sexual technique)

appletinis (that's BEEN out, people. got it?)

fruity girl drinks

friendster and orkut and all networking sites, really

Water bottles

I love Specialized water bottles with the soft top. They're just so perfect. I use them at work too. Loveem, loveem, loveem.

Expletive

I am amazed what comes out of my mouth sometimes. While riding my bike home from work last night, a small two-door red car with a zillion "save the earth" etc. bumper stickers pulled out right in front of me.

It was a rainy and somewhat dark afternoon and I'm pretty sure the guy didn't see me. Even so, I was a bit perturbed, so I yelled Jesus Fucking Christ!

The driver probably thought he hit me, so as a result of hearing my angry words through his rolled-up car windows, he jammed on the breaks. If I wasn't going so slowly, I would have slammed into his car's rear end!

The guy then started looking around, trying to find me. I was still behind him, so I decided to get out of the traffic mess (and away from him) so I cut down the next side street. Then, he started following me. I think he felt really bad and wanted to say sorry. He had a puppy dog look on his face. I just kept going.